I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The adults are the big ones right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
