Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize