Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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