Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
