so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
