That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is Oprah even human
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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