omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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