the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
