The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
