Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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