y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize