the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
