you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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