I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
