Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
