he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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