mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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