We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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