the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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