am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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