I'm gonna have a badass scar
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
