Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
