Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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