i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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