I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
