So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk is a universal language darling
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize