Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
