My liver just broke up with me...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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