I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize