so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
