i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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