ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
