It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
