the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
