About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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