there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
