He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
