he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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