your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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