I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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