he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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