Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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