if you like me you must not know who I am
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
