Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
