Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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