yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
