You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
