i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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