Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
