I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
