am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
