If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
