i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
