there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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