we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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