Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
