She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
