Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
