i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
