so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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