Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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