k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize