He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
