There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
