Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize