a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
