It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
