Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
