New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize