I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
