A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
