There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
