so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
