you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
