fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
