Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who died my cat blue again?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
