4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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