If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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