So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They have beer where we have blood.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
