So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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