he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
