I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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