Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
