CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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