we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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