It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize