apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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