also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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