those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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