Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
