She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
