I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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