Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
