if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
