Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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