I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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