i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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