Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
