remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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