i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
