What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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