AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize