Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
