we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
