i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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