Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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