I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
