Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
