So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
