There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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