Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He kissed a someone with a penis
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
