im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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